when ryan is gone, i am typically a sad, melodramatic, ball of emotions. i don't like being left behind... this is a theme that has been consistent in my life since i was a little girl. My mom used to tell me these hilarious stories of how I would pretty much go to the ends of the earth to prevent being left out of a family activity. I'm a "clan" person as ryan calls it, I do best when I have one or a few people around me that I am completely safe with, that I know won't let me down and that i can just stand by if things get scary or unpredictable. What can I say? I'm a shy girl at heart.
Anyways, this week since ryan has been in Uganda, I've been trying another path, the one that is less afraid to hang out with my neighbors instead of hiding away alone in my apartment, the one that makes plans and has fun on my own. I want so much to be a wife that is interesting and independent in that mysterious kind of way, but usually this really just isn't me. I'd rather snuggle with ryan on the couch and let him be the interesting one... I'm okay with that, I fit there. But when he goes on trips, I'm forced to unearth the more brave me and do things on my own, and I'm really thankful for these times. I'm thankful that when he gets home from world traveling that I have a few of my own stories to share. That as he's telling me stories of Africa, I can tell him stories of our neighborhood, the kids at work, and time with friends. So I'm trying to keep being brave, and marveling at how my friend Robin went without her husband for months when he was in the army, without any family near by (you amazing me robs!)
So its been a good week, so far at least. I'm so thankful for busy days at the hospital with kids that make me laugh so hard! I'm thankful for the fact that cell phones work in Uganda, and I'm thankful for a God that I know is with me all the time, not just when ryan is gone (even though I'm especially thankful for this!) but all the time... in every way, and that He cares about the little parts of me that still get lonely, shy and afraid. love love, amb
October 8, 2008
when ryan is gone...
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2 comments:
let me know how it is getting out of your comfort zone. it's been a while since i've done that myself! and if you need a friend to come stay, let me know!
wow, i totally know how you feel about letting him be the interesting one. i guess with us it's more that when we're in a group, i'd rather let him do the talking. and he's almost always the driving force behind getting together with friends or doing something social, and i'm totally okay with that. well, not so much anymore, now that we hardly know anyone in our city!
hurray for shy girls!
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